In 1964, Dick married his high school sweetheart, Lynne. Despite having dated for nine years, the couple did not have sexual intimacy until their wedding night. As much of a challenge as this was for such a strapping lad, he knew it was the right and honorable thing to do. Dick and Lynne would go on to raise a beautiful family with only one homosexual child. There is no doubt – Dick would have preferred all heterosexual descendants, but he would rather have a muff muncher than an ass pirate.
In his early career, Dick had the honor of working with both ethical and principled politicians, such as Richard Nixon, Donald Rumsfeld and Gerald Ford. Through back-door deals, secret meetings and extortion, Dick became the youngest White House Chief of Staff in history. At age 34, Richard “Dick” Cheney would become the second-most-powerful man in the White House. There is no doubt – Dick will lie, cheat and steal to get ahead.
In 1978, the voters in Wyoming saw the stiffness of Dick’s moral fiber and elected him to Congress. Dick was re-elected five times in a row. During his tenure, there was not one terrorist attack in Wyoming. Not one terrorist attack in the great state of Wyoming. There is no doubt – terrorists did not attack Wyoming because Dick Cheney was representing their interests.
Under the first Bush Administration, Dick Cheney, who was the Secretary of Defense at the time, was the first person to establish the fear campaign over the Iraq, Iran and North Korean nuclear enrichment programs. At that point, he realized for the first time, the power of using fear tactics over the American people. But much to his dismay, as Secretary of Defense, Dick only started two short-lived military coups, the invasion of Panama and Operation Desert Storm. He did however, get his first taste of blood and the understanding of how easy it was to convince a phobic American public and a spineless Legislative branch, to go to war. There is no doubt – Dick Cheney will always be the first person to raise his hand to delegate someone else to fight for his freedom.
Only eighteen months before 9/11, Dick headed up George W. Bush's vice-presidential search committee. Not surprising, he could not find one person as intelligent, vetted or odious, to fill the 2000 ticket, as himself. The dream team was created, Bush/Cheney, and thus lead to the most successful and most well-respected administration in US history. There is no doubt – Besides Dick stating that he thinks W. is a dolt, he has no regrets.
However, titles and accolades are not what keeps Dick’s heart pumping year after year. Dick’s greatest pride is knowing that he personally keeps every American safe at night. If you ask him, the greatest honor he has ever received was on February 27, 2007 when a suicide bomber tried to assassinate him outside of Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan. It was reported by the Taliban that Osama Bin Laden himself supervised the operation. There is no doubt – If Bin Laden wants Dick dead, you know why God wants him alive to serve in 2012.
There is no doubt – Dick Cheney will restore our America.
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